Tuesday, 15 June 2010

The hole vs the whole


Good grief, has it really been a whole week since I last blogged? I suppose it must be.

Harry's audition went well. I was so proud of him, he sang loudly and clearly and was interviewed twice too, not sure if he's through to the next round but of course it doesn't really matter. He had fun and boosted his confidence which is the whole point.

I'm having a bit of a blah day today, struggling a bit to keep myself grounded, no matter what I try to do. I really feel I am moving along my spiritual path at quite a rate in some ways and yet in other ways I seem stubbornly stuck. I am accepting of this situation, as much as I can be and I do trust that the universe will support me through the process of growing and opening but that doesn't mean to say that some days it's just bloody hard going.

I have done a lot of clearing from my life in this last twelve months, I regret none of it and I have gained in so many ways. What it has brought to the fore, however, is that there is a huge great big ruddy hole within myself that I have the tendency to try to fill with a never ending conveyor belt of fads and obsessions, be they plans, treatments, hobbies or even people. This is a bad thing. It doesn't work and inevitably leaves me feeling even more empty as each passing phase comes to its end. I need to find a way of filling this hole with me, a way of making the hole whole as it were.

I suppose at least I am aware of the situation now.....it means I spend a lot of time sitting on the edge of the abyss staring down into it, desperately fighting against my instinct to fill it up again quickly. Thing is, when I fill it, it's like pouring water into a hole in the sand, the water leaks out through the bottom and before you know it the hole is empty again. I need to find more sand to fill the hole with. Sand that will stay put.

Ah well, there's my musings for tonight. I'm just going to write my psychic development journal and then 10 minutes meditation before sleep.....love and light xx

1 comment:

Debs said...

Good luck to Harry.

Your post is fascinating. Hope you enjoy your meditation and love and light to you too. x