What a busy few days I have ahead and I'm already feeling very tired! Oh deary dear! lol Today I have had a trip over to see someone who is very special to me and it's been too long since my last visit. It was well worth the 3 hour drive home in the pouring rain and I will be wishing for more special time together before too long.......
Tomorrow I head down to Cambridge to spend time with another very special friend....., Jo. We went to school together and were very close but, as so often happens, we lost touch when we went to different universities. We found each other again through facebook a few months ago and have spoken on the phone since, as well as exhanging emails and texts (that first phone call was over 3 hours long!) Anyway, tomorrow I get the train down to stay with her and her partner as tomorrow is her birthday. It will be just fabulous to see her again and we are heading into London to a Ginger gig, one of her favourite artists. I'm sure it will be a really special night and I can't wait :) On Friday we will drive all the way back home, I hope this forecast snow doesn't cause us too many problems.
Saturday I'm off galavanting again as it is my work Xmas do. I'm really looking forward to this one too :) I mean you can't go wrong with a free Pizza Express meal really can you? Add to that the fact that I'm lucky in that I love the people I work with to bits and it should be a good night! On Sunday I will drive back home again....and probably collapse in a heap. Or I would, but I'm guessing my son will want to play as Mummy won't have been around much the last few days!
Of course, Harry finishes school for Christmas on Friday too, I don't. I'm working right the way up to Christmas Eve, which I don't mind, although I have a LOT of Christmas shopping still left to do. In fact, if I'm honest, I haven't started really. oooops. Oh well. Can't be helped and there's nothing I can do until some money arrives in the bank so that's that!! I'm quite looking forward to a last minute dash this year if the truth be told. Thankfully I don't have that many people to by for :)
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
Monday, 14 December 2009
Where's my Christmas feeling gone then???
Don't you just hate it when you start to blog but have no idea where you are going? You don't really feel you have anything to say but want to say it anyway. Well, that's me today. Things seem rather surreal in life at the moment and I'm trying my best to embrace that, but it is unsettling me a little.
Today Harry is having his Christmas party at school, no doubt with another visit from Sion Corn..he'll have a wonderful time, I'm sure! It's going to be a busy week one way and another and I'm really hoping the weather isn't going to put a spanner in the works! I have lots of visiting to do and lots of travelling too.......somehow though I can't get excited about any of it. I don't know why, I wish I could. I think I've got into a rut of assuming something will go wrong....depressing eh? I wish I could just snap out of it. Wednesday is a particularly important day for me, if that goes to plan then I think everything else will fall into place...if that goes wrong then it's going to be hard to hold the rest together in all honesty.... please keep your fingers crossed for me if you can.
I still haven't managed to write a single word on my novel and I haven't written any more poetry either. As I say, things are just weird today.......just plan weird and not very Christmassy... I'm no fun am I?!?!
Today Harry is having his Christmas party at school, no doubt with another visit from Sion Corn..he'll have a wonderful time, I'm sure! It's going to be a busy week one way and another and I'm really hoping the weather isn't going to put a spanner in the works! I have lots of visiting to do and lots of travelling too.......somehow though I can't get excited about any of it. I don't know why, I wish I could. I think I've got into a rut of assuming something will go wrong....depressing eh? I wish I could just snap out of it. Wednesday is a particularly important day for me, if that goes to plan then I think everything else will fall into place...if that goes wrong then it's going to be hard to hold the rest together in all honesty.... please keep your fingers crossed for me if you can.
I still haven't managed to write a single word on my novel and I haven't written any more poetry either. As I say, things are just weird today.......just plan weird and not very Christmassy... I'm no fun am I?!?!
Saturday, 12 December 2009
Last Minute? Me?
As you know, it's not like me to leave something to the last minute.....much! Thursday was my local writing group Christmas meeting...I wasn't sure whether or not I would make it and so hadn't written anything to take with me. At 6:15pm I decided I would be able to make it....but I hadn't anything to take with me......by 6:20pm I was lying on the bed, pen and paper in hand.....by 6:40 I had managed to write something that at least reduced me to tears...would have to do. So, into the shower, dressed and out by 6:55pm. What an evening and I'm so glad I went. It was so lovely to see the other groups members, I haven't made a single meeting since September due to clashing events on my calendar, I must make sure I can make the rest! And I think the poem went down well enough, although obviously it needs some work doing to it. I was just glad I had actually written something. That's a big step for me at the moment as I haven't been writing at all for months, I mean to but just don't seem able to sit down and do it. I'm hoping this poem will be a turning point for me.
Talking of leaving things to the last minute, to say I am getting slightly stressed about Christmas is a total understatment! Normally by this point I have everything done, not wrapped admittedly, that's always a Christmas Eve job, but I have everything ready to go. Not this year. I have three presents bought and that is it. Completely. Nothing else at all. Oh dear. But that's not the half of it. Due to current circumstances I also have no money to do anything about it. Until three days before Christmas Day! It's going to be one HUGE last minute rush this year. Maybe it'll be fun eh? Here's hoping. I may just go grey thinking about it.
This coming week is going to be a busy one too, not ideal when people are starting to talk of possible heavy snow. Can I please make it known now, oh powers that be, I don't want snow this week! It can't happen, it'll scupper mi plans good and proper! Please, nice mild weather.....at least until next Saturday!
Talking of leaving things to the last minute, to say I am getting slightly stressed about Christmas is a total understatment! Normally by this point I have everything done, not wrapped admittedly, that's always a Christmas Eve job, but I have everything ready to go. Not this year. I have three presents bought and that is it. Completely. Nothing else at all. Oh dear. But that's not the half of it. Due to current circumstances I also have no money to do anything about it. Until three days before Christmas Day! It's going to be one HUGE last minute rush this year. Maybe it'll be fun eh? Here's hoping. I may just go grey thinking about it.
This coming week is going to be a busy one too, not ideal when people are starting to talk of possible heavy snow. Can I please make it known now, oh powers that be, I don't want snow this week! It can't happen, it'll scupper mi plans good and proper! Please, nice mild weather.....at least until next Saturday!
Tuesday, 8 December 2009
The Nativity
It's been a busy old day today. Work was quite a giggle. I suppose I am very lucky with my job really. There aren't so many opportunities to get paid for talking and having a laugh and I certainly do most days! It used to be even more fun when I had even more stations on my shift but this is always how it works, swings and roundabouts.....I'm still very happy with my stations :)
This evening was Harry's Christmas concert in school He didn't have a big part this year but I enjoyed every single minute. There is something spine tingling about a school nativity. From the moment they filed out to 'Away In A Manger' on the piano I was filling up. They all sang their little hearts out. Just adorable.
There's not much else to report I don't think. I'm preparing mentally for the funeral I have to attend on Friday, I'm sure it will go fine but it is preying on my mind a little. I also have a meal out to look forward to on Friday evening and a get together on Thursday too if I make it. It's all busy busy busy up to Christmas.
The situation on the whole is OK though tonight. I had lovely uplifting conversation yesterday that really cheered me up and helped me to look through the darkness that can sometimes devour me and see a glimpse of light shining on me through the gloom. I am lucky to be able to see and feel that light and I am forever grateful to those who help me to find it and also move towards it.
This evening was Harry's Christmas concert in school He didn't have a big part this year but I enjoyed every single minute. There is something spine tingling about a school nativity. From the moment they filed out to 'Away In A Manger' on the piano I was filling up. They all sang their little hearts out. Just adorable.
There's not much else to report I don't think. I'm preparing mentally for the funeral I have to attend on Friday, I'm sure it will go fine but it is preying on my mind a little. I also have a meal out to look forward to on Friday evening and a get together on Thursday too if I make it. It's all busy busy busy up to Christmas.
The situation on the whole is OK though tonight. I had lovely uplifting conversation yesterday that really cheered me up and helped me to look through the darkness that can sometimes devour me and see a glimpse of light shining on me through the gloom. I am lucky to be able to see and feel that light and I am forever grateful to those who help me to find it and also move towards it.
Sunday, 6 December 2009
What Can I Say?
I can't tell you how good it feels to be logging onto my old blog and typing again...it's like coming back to an old friend after too long away. It feels comfortable and relaxing....mmmmm
Today has been an up and down kind of day to be honest. I struggled first thing this morning to find any positive worth getting up for....that wasn't helped by the fact that Harry, little darling that he is, woke me up in the middle of a dream. Don't you hate it when that happens? If you get back to sleep again quickly enough sometimes you can catch up where you left off, but that wasn't possible this morning and I can't even remember what the dream was about now. It's left me feeling slightly off balance all day.
As I wrote yesterday, it's kind of difficult to work out what I can and can't write here. I don't like that feeling but it's one I need to think about. Thing is, a lot has changed and in order to share the things going on in my head here, which is what I feel a blog is about, it is neccessary to at least explain the outer conditions. Without them the inner ones won't make much sense at all. There are more complications than you can throw a stick at and if you'd told me I'd be in this mess 6 months ago I would never have believed you. But here I am. If there's one thing I have learnt over the last few months it is that NOTHING is black and white.....and there is more than one shade of grey too.
I suppose it is enough to give the outlines without the detail, I know the people who read my blog will not judge or criticise me, they know me well enough for that....it is the people I don't know that I need to think of...and when I say that, I don't mean to say that I am worried what other people think, but that in the public realm there is always the possibilty that someone will stumble upon this writing who knows some of the people to whom I refer. But I will only say that I type from the heart and, I suppose, if anyone does happen upon this blog who knows me I would hope they would respect and listen to what I say.
Short version I suppose is that in July I left home. I needed to follow my heart and it was no longer at home. I stayed away for around 10 weeks when I came back as I needed to see my son more frequently. I missed him a lot. So now I am back, but with my own space. Though times are not easy and sometimes can be awkward, the house is big enough to share and we are all getting along OK, for the most part anyway. The rings are off, the statuses (statii?!) on facebook are deleted...you get the idea. So that is where I find myself. It's a very odd situation and I am not really sure where I go from here or what I do. I'm taking time to be myself and taking each day and opportunity at a time. That feels good. I no longer feel trapped or hindered, other than by finances but I think we all feel that. So, in many many ways I am in a much better place. I have hopes and dreams for my future but many of these plans are out of my hands and so I can only wish that they may come to fruition when the time is right. Patience is not my strong point and I am certainly being tested on that at the moment. I hope it is a lesson I can pass.
And so today has been a day of feeling the frustration of the situation and some days I can breathe in the light and positivity, others I feel the depths of darkness and impatience. Today has been the latter although I have been striving for light and love. I think on the whole I have done fairly well. We'll see what tomorrow brings. I hope this blog makes sense, I am aware of having rambled around whilst probably saying very little.........
Today has been an up and down kind of day to be honest. I struggled first thing this morning to find any positive worth getting up for....that wasn't helped by the fact that Harry, little darling that he is, woke me up in the middle of a dream. Don't you hate it when that happens? If you get back to sleep again quickly enough sometimes you can catch up where you left off, but that wasn't possible this morning and I can't even remember what the dream was about now. It's left me feeling slightly off balance all day.
As I wrote yesterday, it's kind of difficult to work out what I can and can't write here. I don't like that feeling but it's one I need to think about. Thing is, a lot has changed and in order to share the things going on in my head here, which is what I feel a blog is about, it is neccessary to at least explain the outer conditions. Without them the inner ones won't make much sense at all. There are more complications than you can throw a stick at and if you'd told me I'd be in this mess 6 months ago I would never have believed you. But here I am. If there's one thing I have learnt over the last few months it is that NOTHING is black and white.....and there is more than one shade of grey too.
I suppose it is enough to give the outlines without the detail, I know the people who read my blog will not judge or criticise me, they know me well enough for that....it is the people I don't know that I need to think of...and when I say that, I don't mean to say that I am worried what other people think, but that in the public realm there is always the possibilty that someone will stumble upon this writing who knows some of the people to whom I refer. But I will only say that I type from the heart and, I suppose, if anyone does happen upon this blog who knows me I would hope they would respect and listen to what I say.
Short version I suppose is that in July I left home. I needed to follow my heart and it was no longer at home. I stayed away for around 10 weeks when I came back as I needed to see my son more frequently. I missed him a lot. So now I am back, but with my own space. Though times are not easy and sometimes can be awkward, the house is big enough to share and we are all getting along OK, for the most part anyway. The rings are off, the statuses (statii?!) on facebook are deleted...you get the idea. So that is where I find myself. It's a very odd situation and I am not really sure where I go from here or what I do. I'm taking time to be myself and taking each day and opportunity at a time. That feels good. I no longer feel trapped or hindered, other than by finances but I think we all feel that. So, in many many ways I am in a much better place. I have hopes and dreams for my future but many of these plans are out of my hands and so I can only wish that they may come to fruition when the time is right. Patience is not my strong point and I am certainly being tested on that at the moment. I hope it is a lesson I can pass.
And so today has been a day of feeling the frustration of the situation and some days I can breathe in the light and positivity, others I feel the depths of darkness and impatience. Today has been the latter although I have been striving for light and love. I think on the whole I have done fairly well. We'll see what tomorrow brings. I hope this blog makes sense, I am aware of having rambled around whilst probably saying very little.........
Saturday, 5 December 2009
I know, I know.....I'm a stranger....it's been so long since I updated my blog - but there are reasons I promise you. Much has changed in my life, more than I ever thought could to be honest and, as much as my heart wants to write about it all, as there are other people involved and the web is a public domain I will need to be careful with how I word everything....
Having said that I miss my blog and the friends I have in blogland so I will be updating regularly again from now on. Right, off to catch up with what everyone has been up to :)
J x
Having said that I miss my blog and the friends I have in blogland so I will be updating regularly again from now on. Right, off to catch up with what everyone has been up to :)
J x
Monday, 1 June 2009
From under the Sun.....
Wow, where has this glorious weather come from then? It's been absolutely beautiful the last few days and I'm enjoying every second.
Yesterday I managed a 35 minute walk in the sun too which was great......except for the red arms! I only wish I felt better in my Summer clothes as I promised myself I would.....still, there are a few weeks to go yet until I board a plane for my first holiday of the Summer! I WILL feel better by then, honest (where have I heard that before?)
The early starts are still getting to me but at least my shift is quite good fun. I have some lovely radio stations to broadcast to with some fantastic people too. The mornings go quickly and I am enjoying being back behind the microphone.
The Bean is doing fine, he's back to school today after a week off so we'll see what happens! Over the last few weeks we have had more red cards than I care to mention but I hope we're on the up now. He came up with a funny phrase over the weekend, apparently when you come to a roundabout and go straight on that is now known as a 'straight onner'. Make sure you use it conversation at least once today OK?
Right, time to dial into Radio Humberside again.............
Yesterday I managed a 35 minute walk in the sun too which was great......except for the red arms! I only wish I felt better in my Summer clothes as I promised myself I would.....still, there are a few weeks to go yet until I board a plane for my first holiday of the Summer! I WILL feel better by then, honest (where have I heard that before?)
The early starts are still getting to me but at least my shift is quite good fun. I have some lovely radio stations to broadcast to with some fantastic people too. The mornings go quickly and I am enjoying being back behind the microphone.
The Bean is doing fine, he's back to school today after a week off so we'll see what happens! Over the last few weeks we have had more red cards than I care to mention but I hope we're on the up now. He came up with a funny phrase over the weekend, apparently when you come to a roundabout and go straight on that is now known as a 'straight onner'. Make sure you use it conversation at least once today OK?
Right, time to dial into Radio Humberside again.............
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