Reading Lists

I must first of all say a huge 'Thank you' for so much positive feedback and positive comments from my last post. I've been overwhelmed by the responses which came mainly in the form of direct messages on twitter, on facebook and to my email. I appreciate them all so very much - from the bottom of my heart, 'Thank You.'

And so, how was the actual appointment? Well it was fine. The Dr I saw was lovely, very easy to speak to and we went through a lot of things, albeit rather vaguely for now. I go back to see her again later in August and we talk about what happens next - it appears to be yet ANOTHER waiting list. This does raise questions.....as much as I may laugh about it sometimes. I first went to see my GP with the symptoms in January and now, here we are, almost in August and I'm about to be put on another waiting list. Thankfully I am coping, and I'm dealing with my symptoms fairly well for the most part but if I wasn't then what would have happened? I have jokingly said to friends, 'It's a good job I'm not suicidal eh?' But it's not really funny is it? Because some people are. Then what?

On a brighter note I'm looking forward to my psychic development course tonight - though it's the last one! How did that happen? I'm surging forward with my distance readings and did two last night. I'm hoping to get another couple in tonight if I can. I really love doing them and I only hope that my readings are accurate and provide people with as much joy and inspiration as I feel when I do them. I had to laugh last night as Harry burst into the room as I was doing a reading. He looked at the table, with the cards laid out with a puzzled look on his face. He doesn't like to not understand...and the best way he could think of phrasing the question... 'So what kind of this is this?' Where do I even start? lol

Right, time to put the kettle on I think.

Love and Light

Jayne

On the table

Tonight isn't easy. In fact, it's far from it. You may remember earlier in the year I ended up taking 6 weeks off work on Dr's orders and was, eventually, diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Well, although I have now been back at work full time for a number of months of course the symptoms of this diagnosis have not gone away - there is no magic cure. I have been learning to deal with them, controlling them where I can and simply accepting them when I can't. It's been a steep learning curve but bit by bit I have put the issues back into the box they fell out of and managed to get on with my life, albeit knowing that at some point I would have to face the demons that are lurking in my head.

Tomorrow is the next stage of facing them. It is still seen by many as a taboo subject. Why would I want to talk about mental issues in my blog? It's fairly simple. Because, to me, talking about these things is important. It's a step to facing them and from stopping them controlling me by my fear of them. I also feel it is about time that this taboo idea was stamped out. So many people deal with mental health issues at some point in their lives and those very issues are compounded by the fact they are emabarrassed and feel unable to talk about their problems. It doesn't help anyone. I'm not saying we need to obsess about these things, that's not healthy either but we do need an open forum where the information people need is readily and easily available.

So, tomorrow I have an appointment. With a clinical psychologist. Am I embarrassed by that? No, I'm not. Am I nervous about it? Yes, very much so. I am going to have to face, head on, things that I have hidden for a very long time. And yet, through all the fear and panic of tomorrow there is also, on some level, a sense of looking forward to it. Some of these issues have been holding me back for a very long time and I'm looking forward to laying everything out on the table and holding my hands up and asking for help. I'm not good at asking for help, but tomorrow I will and I'm looking forward to moving onwards and upwards. It won't be an easy journey but I'll get there - just you watch me.

Sunderland International Airshow

Wow - what a wonderful weekend we had in Sunderland. Harry and I headed up on Friday evening on the fairly lengthy drive but the anticipation of the airshow made for a journey filled with giggles and goofy behaviour.....

We arrived at the Roker Hotel, checked in and managed to fit in a quick pizza before settling down in our room with a sea view to watch the opening of the International Airshow. There were three planes in the launch and Harry and I watched spellbound as they flew at speed over the beach. These displays were followed by a fantastic fireworks display and we watched as we cuddled up on the window seat in our pyjamas and sipped hot chocolate.

Both days of the airshow were fantastic. I was working on both mornings as we did an outside broadcast from the decking outside the hotel. The terrace was heaving and the atmosphere just fantastic. The planes and pilots all put on a stunning show and HMS Westminster provided a great backdrop too. The weather stayed fine and warm which really helped! In the afternoons Harry and I went exploring and had lots of fun playing in various planes and helicopters and he loved the huge inflatable assault course too.

The real highlight of the weekend though was something totally unexpected. On the Saturday evening we got talking to some of the pilots, they were Royal Navy helicopter pilots and as I chatted to one he asked how Harry was enjoying it. I explained that he has wanted to fly since he was 3 or 4 and this pilot, James, called him over. He explained to Harry that when he had been 7 he had met a pilot who had given him a squadron badge - it had kept him motivated and inspired throughout his training. Now that he had his own badge, he was going to continue the tradition and he gave one of his own badges to Harry. It's a beautiful embroidered badge from 846 squadron and I don't think Harry has let go of it yet - I hope it continues to be as important to him. It's a lovely memory to have and it was made all the more special because James found it just as emotional too. I really hope this badge can be as inspirational to Harry as he grows and continues in his studies - maybe one day he can carry on the tradition himself.

These pilots were also performing in the display on the Sunday and promised Harry that as they flew towards the hotel they would dip the nose on the helicopter and flash the lights for him - and they did. Of course the emotion is intensified when you remember that these men will be back out in Afghanistan in September.

All in all it was a wonderful weekend and one we'll remember for a long time to come.

Boats, Planes and Toads....

Good grief, nearly three weeks have passed almost since my last blog. I just don't seem to get time to sit and type these days, which isn't so good for someone who is aiming to at least keep up with the writing. After all, it's only just over a year since I stopped writing full time! What a change. I put a lot of it down to my iPhone! I no longer have to switch my laptop on to check on Facebook or Twitter, I can check my email on my phone in fact do pretty much whatever I need - so the computer is sitting here redundant! But I must change that....I do miss my writing and I really need to find a way for it to fit in with the 4:30am alarm calls!

So what's been happening......well, lots I suppose..... Harry has now broken up for the Summer holidays.....amazingly he will be in the juniors when he goes back, how the heck did that happen then? He's loving the time off so far and I'm really looking forward to the week off I have with him in August.

Work wise, well it's all happening. Last weekend I spent in Hull working with BBC Radio Humberside on the Clipper event. It was a fantastic day, just great to see so many people out to welcome the boats back and the atmosphere was really something. On the Sunday, Harry and I went toad spotting - yes, you read it correctly. There are toads all over Hull city centre at the moment to commemorate the 25 years since the death of poet Philip Larkin. Harry loves them, we've found 12 so far and will be doing more toad spotting very soon!

This coming weekend I'm up in Sunderland covering the air show for 103.4 Sun FM. Please do pop over and say Hello if you're up there, we'll be outside the Roker Hotel on both Saturday and Sunday. It should be a really good weekend - let's hope for some lovely weather to top it off.

If you are on Facebook, my friend Paul has been ever so kind and set up a little page for me, which you can find by searching for 'Jayne's Giggles'. I'm really flattered and would hope that we can have some fun on there so if you fancy it then please do search and join!

One final thing, I'm coming to the end of my psychic development course now, I will write a more detailed blog on that at some point - it's been AMAZING. As I practice I am offering to do some free distance readings. If you would be interested then please either drop me an email or contact me via Facebook or Twitter.

Think that's it for now - MUST NOT let another three weeks creep past. I'll be sure to take some good photos of the planes this weekend!

Tattoos and Eclipses.

That demon black hole of mine caused me a few issues this last week but as of Thursday lunchtime something shifted the energy and I've been feeling a whole lot better. A lot of people have been feeling similar over the last 7 days or so and I don't think it's a coincidence that there has been a lunar eclipse and full moon to contend with. I have always been very sensitive to the full moon, it often brings a clearing and cleansing phase which can be hell to get through but leaves me feeling all the better for it once I have pushed through to the other side. I can't tell you what a relief it is to finally have met other people who experience the same things!

So, as of Thursday, things have picked up again. Well hurrah for that! You may remember months ago that I had a lot of time off work and was diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)...well, from first going to my GP in january I have just received notice of an appointment with a clincal psychologist.....(only a screening appointment, mind!). It's opened up the box a little again as I now have a date and time that I have to face some difficult things again but I won't be backing out. It's something that I need to do and I WILL deal with all this and face it head on.

Yesterday I had a lovely day. Spent the morning with Harry playing and just generally being goofy (we're good at that!) then in the afternoon I headed into Chester and got my new tattoo. It's a sun and Harry's name at the top of my back. He really is my little ray of sunshine so it's something I love having with me all the time. Thankfully he loves it too. I'd spoken to him about it first so he knew I was having it done. At one point he was coming with me....until I mentioned the needle......then he changed his mind, or he'd 'shout at the man to STOP IT!'...probably for the best I went alone eh? lol

Race for Life

We did it - in the Bridlington sun, Lara and I made our way around the 5K course in about 40 minutes and I'm so proud of the £270 we have raised so far for Cancer Research UK. Obviously, it's a charity that is very close to my heart and I only hope that they can find a way forward so that fewer people have to suffer at the hands of this horrible disease.

The day wasn't as difficult to get through as I thought it may be, the anticipation was worse.....I started tearing up in the car as we approached Sewerby Hall, seeing more and more people dressed in pink and wearing the back signs telling tales of those they had lost and of those people who are currently suffering. I had a little cry as my friend Becky pinned my back sign to my shirt but I held my head up and looked to the sky, a sheet of blue - just beautiful and that was enough to get me through the moment. My message was simple - I was taking part for My Mum.

Of course with thousands of people attending these events, it stands to reason that you can't park particularly close to the starting line - or finishing line for that matter! I know how far away we had to park - it was just past the 2K post on the course! So, we trundled 2K to the field and I joined the other runners.... I found Lara who was doing the race with me and we were straight away interviewed by Andy Comfort as he was presenting his Sunday Brunch programme live on BBC Radio Humberside. He asked Lara about her (lack of!) preparation and we had a giggle but he was more serious with me and asked about my reasons for taking part. I was pleased I could talk about my mum without losing any clarity....that's a huge difference from even a few months ago really. So, warm up done we met a few of the listeners and friends who had come along to support us... One of them being Pabs, whose name you may see popping up on my blog comments from time to time :-) It was lovely to finally put a face to the name after all this time and I hope we can meet up for a chat and a brew before too long!

So, it was time to set off.....we headed for the the joggers flag as we hoped to jog a bit and run a bit....which we did. The heat did make things slightly more difficult and tiring but I learnt a very useful lesson - it's impossible to run down hill in a breeze wearing bunny ears. So now you know!

I had my mobile phone going with some music to keep us going along the way too, though with my phone on my arm in an armband it wasn't so easy to control which song was coming next....this meant we had some rather questionable soundtracks choices....including Sunday Bloody Sunday from U2 and Therapy?s Screamager....oh and the Nolans twice! I know. What can I say? I have eclectic music tastes!

The finishing line in sight we managed to run the last part of the course and we were given our medals. After posing for a few photos we collapsed under a tree.....my head was pounding and I could have drunk a swimming pool! I wish we had more time to catch up with people afterwards but it wasn't to be and we had another 2K to walk back to the car, of course!

Next stop Bridlington for some chips and then back to Hull to watch the England Germany game in the pub...least said about that 90 minutes the better eh?

All in all I really enjoyed it, and I'm sure we'll do it again next year. It was a really lovely atmosphere and though I was worried about holding it together, on the day it was actually fine. I'm proud of myself on all counts and I know mum was shining down on me as brightly as the sun was :-)

Sports Day Shenanigans

Today was sports day at Harry's school and yes, he was fully recovered and able to take part, thank goodness! The sun was shining and so as the year 1 and 2 children paraded out to take their seats there was an equally long parade of parents heading towards them all carrying suncream and hats.....me being me hadn't thought that far ahead and had to borrow some cream from another mum (ssshhhhh......don't want everyone knowing!)

All the children did ever so well, bless them. Little legs carrying little bodies as fast as they could, the determination on their faces as they pushed themselves (maybe the England football team could learn a lesson or two here...?) There was one incident of a little lad falling at the end of the sprinting race and landing on his head, cue a few tears and there were a few trip ups here and there but nothing that couldn't be sorted with a quick pat on the head.

The egg and spoon race seems to have been replaced by the ball and spoon race, heaven only knows why...some bizarre rule that I can't work out.....are not allowed to be egg-ist anymore? Thing is, eggs don't roll....balls do.... so as they fell off the spoons, which they frequently did, even more chaos was caused as they rolled into the other childrens' paths.

The bean bag on the head race is another old favourite too, Harry struggles with this, his hair is very soft and silky and not conducive to holding a bean bag, I couldn't help giggle when I overheard one of the dads saying he'd have to talk tactics to his daughter for next year and tell her to pick the bag with the least beans so it stays still more easily......honestly, does it really matter??!!

The obstacle course was nothing short of hilarious.....they had to run, go through a hoop, hop for a bit, run with a ball on a bat thing and then do the whole thing again back to the start.....could any of them work out when to run and when to hop? Could they hell as like....they were trying to hop over the hurdles, hop while carrying the ball..... and then running on the flat bit on which they were supposed to hop. All this while the teachers are shouting at them to hop, in Welsh of course.....'Hopio!'...... It was very funny to watch.

So all in all a good day was had. Harry did well, but then I would say that I suppose, I'm ever so slightly biased :) It was also good to know that there was no repeat of a particularly bad memory I have from one of my primary school sports days....We were doing the wheelbarrow race. I was on my hands and my best friend, Hazel was holding my legs. Everyone else had finished and we were last on the course, all eyes on us.....when Hazel stood on my wraparound PE skirt and it fell off. Devastated? Trust me, it doesn't even start to cover it........ literally!