There were two choices today.....not blog, or write a grumpy, depressing one. Since this post has arrived, I've decided on the second option. Apologies for that.
Life, at the moment, isn't easy. At all. I'm not going to go into details but I'm going through some emotional issues, some of which have resurfaced after years of convincing me they'd gone. They haven't and so I have now made the brave move to tackle them head on. It's scary, especially on top of everything else going on at the moment. That does mean the next few months, at least, are going to be rather like a roller coaster.
What I always find difficult to is that when you are dealing with emotional problems, there are also real life problems too. If only you could pause the world so that you could just deal with the inside issues for a while, then hit play again when you were ready. But you can't, no matter how much you may want to. The two play against each other, jarring and causing no end of added friction. And when you think you may have found a way forward in one world, it doesn't fit in the other. This has been my finding today, having decided upon a course of action that seemed to show a light forward, reality has rendered it impossible and dumped more dirt on top of the path just for good measure. Now it's certainly a cul-de-sac, for the time being at least.
So life isn't easy, that's not really news to any of us is it? A friend told me of a saying she had seen outside a church the other day 'Calm waters do not make a good sailor' - no, maybe not. But I've never been that into sailing.....give me the calm waters, I'll go for a swim!