Friday, 5 December 2008

Rain Rain, Come Again!

Another day, another rain shower........or at least that's how it seems! I love these heavy showers though, you know the kind that make you switch the lights on inside, even if it's the morning? It feels so cosy. So I'm sitting here, on my laptop with the Xmas tree lit up in the corner, the Aussie soaps on the telly, a big cup of tea on the table and the rain pouring down from a dark sky outside, battering the window as it falls. Lovely way to spend a morning!

I'm over the moon with the diet news this week, I've lost 2.6lbs! YAY! I don't really know how, I suppose I've been a bit more active and I've cut bread out of my diet again, pretty much anyway. It certainly seems to have done the trick.

I've had a bit of an up and down morning, emotionally speaking. A Christmas card dropped through the door which I opened. It was from my Step Dad, my mum's husband for 5 years until she died. It was a simple card just said: All good? Like the photos. Love Tony. That's it. And it's all I would expect it to say, he's a man of few words but it's just such a stark contrast to the novel of a card that Mum would have chosen and signed from the two of them. It's little things like that just bring it all back again. Grief can be such an isolating experience too - I suppose it's because everyone has different relationships. No one knows how I feel about my mum and about the love we shared, because no one else was there with us. Don't get me wrong there are no shortage of people I can go to - shoulders to cry on, ears open to listen, my hubby being the main one of course. But I'm also aware that he has his own grief to deal with for my mum and also for his Nan this year too. Grief is like riding a wave - it has it's ups and downs and then contain more emotions than you think it is possible to feel, but you do just have to ride it......problem is no two waves are the same and so no two people feel the same emotions at the same time, no matter how close they's harder than I ever imagined it could or would be....but on a brighter note, preparations for Christmas this year are going well and I'm finding it a whole lot easier to cope in general - good news! Hurray!

Right, that's the aussie soaps done, the sun is starting to peep around the curtain of cloud and I've drunk my tea.......I can't put those Xmas cards off any longer.........they need to be written!


Dee from Downunder said...

We had a huge amount of rain yessterday, all within about half an hour - amazing.

Your analogy of grief and a wave is very true, take care of yourself.

Debs said...

Hugs to you. Grief is a horrible thing that hits you when you least expect it half the time.

Best of luck with those Christmas cards, I haven't started mine yet, nor decorations. Groan.

Anonymous said...

Hi Hon,

Keep your chin up! Grief will catch you out for a long time to come. It's been 18 years on the 16th Dec since my son died, and it still hurts.

Apart from SLA I'm here for you too. I love you loads, you're a really good friend to me...

Suzie xx

Mummy said...

Dee - I love it when it rains like that!! it's magical....although it loses some of that magic if I'm outside at the time!

Debs - I've still not started the Xmas cards....turns out I've ended up writing all day for a client instead.....although I have written a rather depressing list of the people I need to write cards's longer than I thought it would be!

non-fiction author(!) - thanks're a star, thanks for your words. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a child. You're an inspiration xx

Tiffiney said...

congrats on your weight loss! :)

Pat Posner said...

Oh, Mummy
Sharing your sad time again!
Almost the last words I spoke to Mum last November were: 'Can you smell your Christmas Cake? I've just taken it out of the oven.'
(We used to smell things together 'down the phone lines').
THIS year, I just couldn't make a blinking Christmas cake cos I knew it would hurt too much.

Congrats on your weight loss. Hubby can lose weight really quickly just by not eating bread.

'Speak' soon

Mummy said...

Tiffiney - thanks!! Long may it continue!

Pat - we do share these emotions at the same time don't we? I can certainly understand you not making a cake this year.... that must be hard, but a lovely memory all the same to smell things down the phone - that's special :)(((HUGS))) xx