Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Happy Birthday to my mummy.

Today would have been Mum's birthday, she would have been 58. It's a strange day although it does get easier each year. I suppose what makes it hard is that there is nowhere else to redirect the energy to. On my birthday I have my family around me so there's lots going on. At Christmas, although I miss her, I focus my attention on my husband and son. I can displace the thoughts and the grief. On Mum's birthday, there is nowhere else to go. Nothing of which to think to redirect the day. It's Mum's birthday but she's not here. It's her birthday but she's dead. It's the day she took her first breath but she no longer breathes. It's hard to comprehend.

I'm meeting friends for a coffee in town in a little while. I hope that will keep me occupied. Sometimes I'm so glad for the distraction and it helps to be out there, in reality. Other times I sit there, outside the conversation and wish I was at home. Just talking, thinking even, can seem like hard work. I hope today will not be one of those days.

This evening we are going for a family meal to celebrate the day. Just SLA, the bean and me. I know Mum will be there with us, somehow.
I know she is here, somehow.
I know she can hear me, somehow when I say 'Happy Birthday Mummy. I love you.'


Debs said...

I hope you had a lovely time with your friend.

Big hugs to you. x

Carol Anne Strange said...

The bond you have with your Mum is timeless and eternal. I hope the day has been filled with lovely memories and peaceful reflections. xx

Chynna said...

Ohhhhhhh, Steg. Your Mum was soooo young! I had no idea.

You made me think about my own mum and I thank you for that.

Loads of cyber love and (((HUGS)))

Chynna xo

Mummy said...

Thank you Debs, Chynna and Carol. It was a peaceful day and allowed me time to think about her and remember. Not to say I'm glad it's over now though. x

Tiffiney said...

I went through kinda the same thing on Jan. 12 it was my best friend's bday..he would have been 35 like me....he passed a little over 3 years ago...it does get a little easier each year..but it is still hard...very hard...I can not imagine the pain you have to deal with over losing a parent..specially during days like this one. I hope your celebration was good, remembering the people that are now gone..keeps their essence alive :)