The end of the first full week at school and it's been a real roller coaster ride. The Bean is struggling to settle into his new class still and this morning was the most clingy he has ever been. He told me that when he's in school he doesn't feel happy and that he misses me a lot. That broke my heart. He's never said anything like that before and although it hurt to hear it, I was touched to know that he feels so strongly about me. I've sometimes felt that he didn't really notice when I wasn't there.
This morning has been the hardest yet as he walked away from me so slowly and failing to fight back the tears overflowing from his delicate blue eyes. Once again I dissolved the moment I made it to the safety of the car. I'm am trying to be strong enough for both of us. He's only been there a week, I have to believe that it will get easier as time goes on. I'm hoping that one day he will just click with some of the other children in his class and will make friends...until then, it's going to be hard going.
My inital reaction this morning was to dust off my thoughts on home education. We've been down that road before and it's not something I am completely ruling out for the future if we ever need it, but I can't go down that route because of one bad week...... This is where my impulsiveness can be dangerous. I need to pull right back and persevere. Just because something is hard in short term doesn't mean it isn't the right thing in the long term....I suppose the trick is knowing when the first isn't going to lead to the latter.
I have been feeling more positive about myself and my work though, which is certainly an improvement. I got a lot of writing done yesterday so it will be nice to see the money coming in from that in the next few weeks or so. I've also sent a few more emails out for queries too and I've been reading up on the blogs of some of my favourite authors too. I have so many ideas in my head for novels and other books but I never seem to get around to writing any of them down. I must. I read in one of the blogs yesterday that even writing 400 words a day I could have a novel written in 6 months. That does sound doable.....I am going to have a go. I also want to get the next assignment done on my writing course....I started this course over two years ago and I have got past Assignment 5 yet, Ooops. In my defence, though, one of the main reasons is that I've actually been busy writing and earning so I'm sure my tutor will understand! Thank goodness there is no time limit on completing it!