I'm feeling more than a little melancholy at the moment.....not helped by being half way through a 12 hour shift behind a microphone...... Also made worse by hormones, no doubt. I'm female - everything is made worse by hormones.
Also adding in to the equation is that it's my birthday in just over a week. I still get excited about it sometimes, but I'm not having much in terms of a pressie as I'm holding out for a Wii for Xmas! Anyway, we'll be away probably for a few days, we'll have a meal....it will be lovely. Honestly, I'm looking forward to it but I can't help but go through these melancholy moments missing my mum. It's impossible to think of a birthday without thinking of her - after all she was the one who gave birth to me. It's a bizarre concept that she gave life to me but is no longer here herself. I struggled to come to terms with that for a long time. I'm not sure I've got it worked out yet really.
It also makes me think of birthdays passed....the parties at the swimming pool and at the bowling alley, the cakes that she made, the cards with the longest verse she could find....such special memories of such a special person.
This year, as for the last two, there will be no card with a long verse.....no silly present with a cow on it...she was the world's best at finding cow related gifts. I miss the dinner she would cook, the hugs she would give and the 'secret' phone calls to my hubby about some plan she had!
She always made such a special day out of my birthday and no matter what we do this year I will miss her being a part of it. I know I musn't wallow in the past, she would hate that but sometimes, and this is one of those times, the future seems a duller place without my mummy.